1- Personal Identity

I was born and raised in a Muslim family in Alexandria, Egypt. That means I am a Semitic racially. And then I was raised up as Muslim religiously and Arab ethnically. I share my mother language, heritage, history, traditions, values, behaviors, area of origin with the whole Arabic world.

That let me ask: Do we acquire our identity by birth and by the way our parents decided how they raise us up? I do not think so, because my identity is more than my culture, and everyone has a personal identity that distinguishes him from the other members of his culture.

All my life stages, I feel that what I am doing is a duty and I have to finish it as soon as I can. I feel the same even if I do fun things, such as swimming or even having sex. Why? I do not know. It seems like I want to do something else after, but it is not true. Or I might like to be free after that? But I do not enjoy any time that feel I do not have anything to do.

I tried to understand this feeling, but when I could not find any reason behind it, I considered it as sign for metaphysical thing. Maybe my life will not extend to try many things, so I might need to race the death hastening everything that I can experience.

I hate this feeling. It prevents me to enjoy my life. But the weirdest thing is that this feeling affects me physically and socially, but not mentally. It made me a fast person. I talk fast, I walk fast, I eat fast … etc. So I could not master any manual thing. I am a very bad handy man and people called me “high strung”. But on the other hand, I like to take my time in reading, writing, and thinking. The ideas have very clear shapes in mind, even if they are in conflict.

That was a barrier for my social life and physical activities in my childhood. So I was involved more in reading, and then in art and cultural activities in my adolescence. I remember a conversation between my parents about me being different than my peers. My mother was worry about me spending a lot of time alone reading and drawing, but my father was happy because he thought that would protect me from bad effect of peer pressure. Now, I wish to have the ability to go back to the past and share their conversation to explain to them “One is the fallacy of universal age-stage linkage and the other is the underestimation fallacy. The first is reflected in the belief that adolescence anywhere at any time is necessarily a period of storm, stress, and confusion. Hence, adults characterize adolescent behavior as confused whenever it deviates from the adult norm. The second assumption suggests that children and adolescents are incapable of appreciating interpersonal relations and unable to cope with their frustrations, tensions, and problems. Hence, when the child does not behave according to the demands of adults, he or she is thought to have symptoms of behavioral or emotional problems.” (Pai, Adler, & Shadiow, 2006. p. 172)