I am the Muslim
spiritual guide here. So, like Jews and Christians, I believe in God, but what
does that mean? It means that everything happens for a reason and there is no coincidence in
this world. We don't meet people by accident. They are meant to cross our path
for a purpose. Every person you meet, can be a test, punishment or heavenly
gift. This universe has a manager who is the God. When He closes a door for
you, He opens another door for you. But it is still your choice to look
at it, or not. Sometimes, we got obsessed with the
old doors and became stubborn, so we cannot see the new doors.
When my doors were
closed in Egypt, I knocked the door of the American embassy, and it was opened,
so I moved to the USA.
I knocked the door of
the Islamic school in Kansas City, but it took few months to be opened. When it
was closed later, the gate of this prison was opened for me, but I did not want
to Knock it. Honestly, I was scared, I did not say that to the imam of the
Islamic school when he told me: “You know that I volunteer in the federal
prison of Leavenworth. They wanted to hire me but I am not American citizen
yet. So, I recommended you.” I just told him: “I am professional in teaching
the language, not the religion.”
Finally, I listened to
his advice to give it a try. I met chaplain Hughes at Starbucks in Plaza where
he explained the LCP (Life Connection Program) to me. After he had finished, I
asked him “Why do not you teach them jobs’ skills?” He smiled and asked me “Do you think the
problem is here?” while he put his both hands between our faces. He continued
while referring to his head “No, the problem is here.”
Honestly, I did not
believe him, but I decided to work at the prison to secure an income until I
get my master degree.
First time I entered
this prison was with chaplain Hughes. When the electronic gate was closed
behind my back, my heart
trembled. Chaplain Hughes smiled and said “Now, you
can call you mom and tell here I am at the prison.” I did not like the joke.
While walking to the
chapel, chaplain explained “Here are the inmates’ unites. That is my office.
This is the kitchen,” until we came to class number 3. It was full of inmates.
After the chaplain had introduced me to the inmates, I stopped him when he tried
to leave. “You will not stay with me?” I asked. He smiled “I will watch you on
the camera.”
After spending one hour
with these inmates, I discovered that I was created for this job!
After teaching one of
LCP courses, some inmate asked me “Why did not they teach us these things in
high school?” This question made me reflect on my experiences in teaching in
high school and prison. I could see the fruit of my work clearer at the prison because
the inmates are thirsty to learn, and that is not that case in high school.
When I was teaching in
high school, I used to look at my watch every 5 minutes, but in LCP the
chaplain used to come to my class to remind me that my class was over.
However, I did not
just teach here. Actually, I learned more than I taught. I cannot teach anything I do not believe. I have to adapt it first
to be passionate about.
I applied the emotions
management’s strategies to understand why I got frustrated and angry sometimes.
I also applied the
conflict management’s strategies to manage my conflicts with my kids in their
teenage.
Chaplain Hughes is
unforgettable man. He valued the people who worked with him. He opened his
house for us and built personal bridges with us. He was visionary leader and
very passionate chaplain who believes in grace, mercy and forgiveness to the
extent that he forgot sometimes that he was working in a prison. One of my
students here told him F. word, but he was confident enough to go beyond his
ego and talk with this inmate about the causes of his anger.
If I learned one thing from my
work here, it will be that life is not always black and white. So, I learned to hate the
crime, not the criminals, and to hate the sin, not the sinners, because the
best person in the world could commit the worse mistake ever, if he believes
that he has no option. So, always open your mind to see more options. Never,
put your back on the wall.
Here is where I grew up mentally and emotionally in my forties’. I was supported by very good people and I was resisted by a few racist people.
As a worker in the prison, my badge is blue, which is different than the red badges for visitors. One day, the guard, who should have checked me at the visitation center before I entered, looked for my badge in the red badges. I told him: “My badge is blue.” He looked at me and said, “It should not be.”
I had two options:
1- The first option was to think like a victim by letting his racism affect my self-esteem and allowing his harassment to control my emotions, leading to feelings of inferiority complex or paranoia.
2- The second option was to to think as a survival man by focusing on myself not others, and on what I get from working here. Does it worth more than the money?
I chose the second option for 2 reasons:
First, if I complained about this
guard, my word would be against his words, while he is full time employee in
BOP and has a union behind him, but I am just a contractor.
Second, I cannot change people. If they
decide to believe in a stereotype, that is their problem not mine. But I will
never let their problem affect me. I am only responsible for my actions,
altitude, and behavior that do not feed the stereotypes, or give a chance to
anybody to disrespect me.
You know that our
program requires you to reflect on your past. your childhood and teenage...
your family, friendships and relationships. I used this requirement for myself
to know myself and where I came from.
This reflection gave me high
self-esteem and made me proud of myself to be an Egyptian-American, which means
I came from the oldest civilization in the history, to the most modern
civilization in the world.
So, I decided to open my mind,
and to see the common human values in both cultures, because I think people are
different on the outside (i.e., in shapes, colors, and languages), but they are
the same on the inside (i.e., values and emotions).
I believe it is very unique to
have two different languages, two different cultures and two different homes.
That makes me able to see the world from different sides, and understand the
difference between us as human beings.
I love what Kahlil Gibran said:
“The earth is my homeland and the humans are my family.”
I believe also we were created
as different genders, colors, languages, and cultures to know each other, and
learn from each other (as Quran said in 49:13), not because one is better than
others.
I really enjoy these
differences. I think these differences make our life more exciting. That makes
me feel the peace will come soon to this earth, and we need to make it ready by
learning other cultures.
For example, Native American
culture.
As an Egyptian, all my
information about Native Americans was from western movies. That means all my
information was just stereotypes. When I started to work here, one of my
colleagues was Mr. Gail, the former Native American spiritual guide. He was the
first Native American I met in my life. We had a great chance to learn about
each other’s’ culture from within the culture, not from the stereotypes.
In religious
appreciation seminar, each spiritual guide explained his faith. When his turn
came, He held the mic and started speaking in the Native American language.
Everybody looked at each other. “Anybody understand anything?” He asked. The
crowd said: “No”. He smiled and said: “That is my mother language and it is a
foreign language in my home land!”
I remember he cried
when he explained how he is trying to conserve his heritage that is going
extinct. Also, he complained about all Abrahamic religions (including my
religion) consider Native Americans as non-believers. He said: “Yes, I do not
believe in God or the creation story, but I still have my spiritual faith. So,
I am not an unbeliever”. Before he left his job in the prison, he asked me to
record the Islamic call to prayer "Athan” on a C.D. for him to listen to
in his car, because he liked it. I leaned from him to enjoy other
spiritualties, even if I still have my own faith, because all spiritualties
should complete each other, not conflict with each other.
The other culture I
was involve with here was African American culture, because most of my
students here are African American.
Although African Americans are
the highest population in the prisons, I refuse the stereotype "They are
criminals".
I consider it is my
responsibility to explore and discover their cultural ways, preferences,
relational styles, and motivation styles.
In Egypt, the race and skin
color are just inborn genetic issue, and do not carry any cultural dimension or
behavioral profiling. I believe the United States still have a racial
differences problem because it is still a new state, and time will eliminate
this problem gradually.
When I was teaching at the
Islamic school of KC, my students were African Americans and African
immigrants. By look, they have no difference, because they are the same race.
But it is easy to distinguish them by their behaviors. In general, African
American students had more behavioral problems. But not because of their race.
I think it is because of their history that shaped their community.
Based on my own research on
African Americans history, I can say that slavery was not the worst thing that
happened to them. Of course, slavery is a very bad experience. But African
Americans were not the first group who experienced slavery in history. Hebrews
were slaves in Egypt for four hundred years, but they were able to maintain
their culture, language, and religion. So, the slavery was a long period
of time in their history, but they were able to pass it. But for African
Americans, their connections with their roots were cut, the deep structure of
their culture was completely destroyed on purpose, and they should start from
nothing. I think that was worse than slavery itself. Culture is like a belt to
tie and protect the members of one community. Because this belt is very weak in
African Americans communities who passed the slavery without wealth, education
or skill, so many of their members fall in criminal life.
This research helped me to
understand that my African American students are looking for religions and
beliefs to fill the deep structure of their culture, because they felt it was
empty. It honors me to help you filling it.
But everything in our worldly life
is temporary. So, the gate of this prison will be closed for me after 2 months,
and I am looking around to see what door God is opening for me now.
